I Photoshop paddington into a movie, game, TV show, or album until I forget: Day 715
the human only brought one little bag. on our walk. so naturally. i had to poop twice. they are in shambles
me 2 months after i graduated
Someone please tell me this is for something other than a baby conference/infant symposium
i trust rabbits implicitly. they wouldn’t let just anybody have ears like that
Her skin was like porcelain. Toiletface, they called her.
In Michelin star restaurants, Sloppy Joes are called Untidy Josephs.
What do you call clean German cabbage?
Shower-kraut.
#CabbageDay #RubbishJokes #DadJokes
The struggle is real! 🤣 #Cats #CatsofTwittter
everyone: recovering from the holidays is rough, i could sure use a few more bucks
february: no
People my age or older than me or younger than me are the worst.
I’m really sorry you figured out my tweet was directed squarely at you, person I’ve never interacted with or thought about before.
She complained to me that she found her boyfriend’s picture on a dating sight then got mad at me for asking why she was on the site. I should never answer my phone pre coffee.
My problem with the 15 minute city is what are you supposed to do with the rest of the day?