COMPUTER: Your password has expired.
ME: So it’s a passéword.
My kid just asked me to help with her art project and I said “aw, why did you choose me?” and she said “because you suck at math”
Me in my 20’s: what’s a hangover?
Me in my 40’s: it was 1 drink, 3 weeks ago, when will this end?
There are 2 words that have opened a lot of doors for me in my life.
Push and Pull.
The cupcakes I started baking in my Easy Bake Oven in 1978 are ready.
Anybody want one?
Everyone in the gym on January 1st
*For those who believe everything they see on social media, kindly watch this.*(👆)
Unmuting myself to say “thank you!”after a 1.5 hour meeting I didn’t contribute anything to
No one ever hated their job on a Friday!
The Eighth Law of Libraries: the likelihood of an item being on the shelf where it belongs is inversely proportional to the physical distance the patron traveled to come get it without calling ahead first.
If anyone wants to know how WWIII will actually start…. 🤣
I helped my neighbor out with something this morning and she said to me “I could marry you”. I couldn’t believe it. You do something nice for someone and they threaten to ruin your life in return.