so APPARENTLY if u donate a kidney ur a big hero but if u donate 9 kidneys people get very upset
What do you call a group of musical killer whales?
An orca-stra.
#WhaleDay #RubbishJokes #DadJokes
Parental pro tip: Take your kids to the mattress store at the mall and skip the trampoline park.
Parental pro tip: Take your kids to the mattress store at the mall and skip the trampoline park.
I can’t explain it with science, but the older I get the softer I want my clothes to be.
I’m not a religious person but I am thankful that God didn’t make spiders that fly.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
If they shoot down another flying object I’m going to have to start hoarding toilet paper again
Drying the waistband of my jeans with a hairdryer as God intended.
*opens my lunch of hard boiled eggs, pickles and kombucha *
Why does everyone on this bus hate me?
My husband let the batteries die in all the security cameras because he didn’t like seeing his bald spot at a better angle.
I just woke up from a dream where a very attractive man with an adorable dog invited me to get ice cream… and I told him, “sorry, I don’t have any condoms,” then walked away. Dream me is as awkward as real me.
I discovered my 91-year-old Dad wearing blue surgical gloves while he ate.
Me: Uh, Dad, what are you doing?
Dad: Chicken wings are so slippery everyone should wear gloves.
True statement👍😏😁
