My dog after a walk in the woods.
[on a date with a european]
Hmmm fascinating. Can you tell me about what 400 year old blood feuds your family is involved in?
Sorry not sorry.
inappropriate Care Bears be like:
so APPARENTLY if u donate a kidney ur a big hero but if u donate 9 kidneys people get very upset
What do you call a group of musical killer whales?
An orca-stra.
#WhaleDay #RubbishJokes #DadJokes
Parental pro tip: Take your kids to the mattress store at the mall and skip the trampoline park.
Parental pro tip: Take your kids to the mattress store at the mall and skip the trampoline park.
I can’t explain it with science, but the older I get the softer I want my clothes to be.
I’m not a religious person but I am thankful that God didn’t make spiders that fly.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
If they shoot down another flying object I’m going to have to start hoarding toilet paper again
Drying the waistband of my jeans with a hairdryer as God intended.
*opens my lunch of hard boiled eggs, pickles and kombucha *
Why does everyone on this bus hate me?
