Not sure where your kids are? Make a phone call. They’ll be in your face in no time.
All frogs are automatically my friends, I’m sorry I just can’t imagine a situation where a frog is unworthy of my eternal devotion
To whoever has my voodoo doll, stop making her go to work !
Imagine falling in love with a vampire in your 20s, letting them bite you, and having to live for eternity with the type of guy you liked in your 20s.
There are 2 wolves inside me and they’re both eating tacos
I hate it when people humble brag about where they went to college. I have this friend who went to Harvard and she just won’t shut up about it. She’s always been like that, even when we were in college together.
That’s incredible! 👌
Denise please return my vape pen
Always
“The 27 Worst Things About Going To Stock Photo University” – something I made years ago and I just found it archived, and I’m pasting it here in a thread
me eating the fries out of everyone’s bag but my own before I get home
need him
I been hollering for the past 10 minutes 😂😂😂
My 4yo pretended she was a hired cleaner yesterday as. As she helped me clean she asked if I had any kids. After telling her about my 2 I asked if she had any of her own. Turns out she has 5 kids and has been married to a man named Carlin for 30 years. You think you know someone.