Note to self: when cooking in the oven results will be a lot better if oven door is closed before you go and watch telly for half an hour
Don’t think that computers should be allowed to make those ‘dun-dun’ error noises at me. It’s not polite. I am trying my best.
Age 10: I want to be a baseball player
Age 20: I want to be a writer
Age 30: I want to be happy
Now: I want to disappear in a corn maze
Forgot the word “peel” when talking about a fruit and said “I skin the kiwi…” instead.
Rare footage of my parents on their way to school.
Using cruise control on the highway so I can practice karate
I honestly just want Kanye to crash everything, like show up at weddings & to the bride be like you look nice, but your maid of honor has one of the best dresses of all time
“What if we took the sound of a cow giving birth and turned it into music?”
– inventor of the bagpipe
Not sure of the *exact* quality that denotes ‘blood-curdling’ in the context of a scream, but the sound that erupted from me earlier when the frog my cat ‘killed’ suddenly leaped mid-scoop, prrrrrrobably counts.
In other news, nothing beats fresh underwear!
Putting all my mental health eggs in the daily word game basket.
“Call me crazy bu..”
You’re a freakin idiot!.. I mean, you’re crazy.
Hello Twits.
doctor: do u smoke?
me: no
doctor: mmhmm *writes in my file*
me: [nervously] is…is that bad?
So this guy tells me he likes the way my name is spelled..
Me~
Thanks I gotta say
I had absolutely nothing to do with it.. LoL