Yesterday, myself, Miss 9 and husband were sat on a train in and around a man with a book entitled Surrounded by Idiots.
I predict that the Institute for the Future won’t exist in five years time.
We’ve designed you a new phone 007.
It’s exactly the same as your old phone but you’ll need to buy a new charger.
WD-40 doesn’t stop my joints from creaking, in case anyone else was considering this.
*me trying new contouring makeup
Them: now just blend it…blend it
I’m not a chef but sometimes I use the word umami so people know I’ve seen some cooking shows.
While Twitter was down yesterday, I managed to finish my book report on War and Peace…. of course it was due in 1978, but that’s not really relevant here.
i came on this app to make friends and chew bubblegum… and im all out of gum
Vin Diesel eats only two meals per day:
1) Breakfast
2) Breakfurious
Hubs: Is that the same oreo as before?
3yo: No.
Hubs: Is that a new one?
3yo: Yes.
Hubs: Are you hiding them around the house?
3yo: …Yes.
Cake by the ocean?
*scoffs*
Cake is a terrible beach snack
Men should stop taking Viagra and start trying anxiety. That shit keeps you up way longer.
Me: *putting on docuseries about the “Yorkshire Ripper”*
Husband: isn’t that the guy who made weird pudding out of people?
Snowboarding in Japan hits differently.