Thought I was turning into my dad, but it was just his driveway.
You can’t please me, you’re not the long straight block in Tetris.
The first time I tried to repair one of my kids toys, I thought it was important that they stand back a bit, and verily, I say unto you, it was from there that they watched me superglue the skylander to my hand.
If only
chews marshmallows with bovine intensity
Me: You Miss 100% Of The Shots You Don’t Take
Vaccination clinic nurse: You are already boosted. Please Leave
gonna open a bar called “well, actually” and any time someone utters that phrase they have to buy everyone in the place a round of well shots
My sense of humour has been described as “oh god..” and “please stop, this is a funeral”.
I’ll be spending some time on my other account.
Be back later.* if I’m not back later please read the message above again*
Coworker – Have you ever gotten Covid?
Me – Does my gut look like I’ve ever lost the sense of taste or smell?
My doctor told me to get my affairs in order so I bought an epilator. I’ve got this.
Needed 3 tickets to something and my husband bought 4 so he doesn’t have to set next to anyone.
avoided the guys with the white uniforms and human sized nets again so yeah it was a decent day
I was bitten by a radioactive spider too and all I got was stomped on