If I’m “supposed to” shave my knees then why are they shaped like that ? Exactly
5:00 pm: birds are amazing, I wish I had more time to enjoy nature
5:00 am: I want to murder every living bird
Parenting is cool because:
-it’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done
-the stakes are the highest they’ve ever been
-no one can tell you how to do it
-you have to make a million choices every day
-there’s no way to ever know if any of them were correct
-socks just constantly vanish
It’s all fun and games until you accidentally stab a space monk
My kids think they’re way cooler than me like WHATEVER nerds by your age I’d already had my license, sex, and a visit by the FBI.
Idc how bad my relationship is I’m not calling no mf radio station for advice😭
my 10 yr plan is to wait till I’m 9 yrs 11 mos in & then absolutely slay
lil red riding hood: the Internet told me there are two wolves inside of you
granny: *sweating* haha what I don’t even have one haha who reads things on the Internet
The afternoons I spent on my hair.
Franz Kafka, 1912.
During the first confessional I filmed for Is It Cake I said “I didn’t come here to make friends I came here to make cakes” and the producer said “Please never say that again.”
who’s ready for the long weeknd?
Sending in my taxes
how much for the angry fruit?
fat and greedy, my favorite type of animal