sad to hear it but I hope it’s for the best
Hate it when people tell me “don’t be stupid”. It’s not like I have a choice in the matter.
I just saw a skunk and a possum walking through my backyard and i of course assume they’re off on some kind of adventure
Can you cross-breed tropical birds? I want to try, but I’ve got nothing toucan-parrot-too.
genetics is so weird, like i got my mom’s eyes and my dad’s talent for tax fraud
My coworker Tim fell down the stairs and nobody laughed when I yelled “TIMBERRRRRR”
What can I buy my wife for Valentine’s Day that finally proves to her that I have absolutely no idea what she likes or who she is?
“A UFO was just shot down 5 miles from my house.”
-Everyone on TikTok
the main function of the little toe on your foot is to make sure that all the furniture in the house is in it’s place.
Our house is too small for a proper hallway. We pretend, though, and give directions like “it’s in the bedroom down the hall.”
The calories of the third sandwich don’t count of the first two were delicious
If a bank robber yelled at me to get down on the ground and then my apple watch told me to stand I’d be legit conflicted for a second
hey (with the intention of telling Jude not to make it bad)
Whoa… oh I see lol
Okey dokey.
