*at family function..
*superglues jenga tower
*checks rear view mirror for the cop car I drove past 15 minutes ago*
I dunno, I guess it started when my parents got married in a gazebo
Jesus loves you.
But only as a friend.
If I had a dollar for every time I messed something up at work, I’d be salaried and at my current level of compensation
Lol.
Me: “The doctor said to gargle with salt water when you have a sore throat.”
Kid: “Do we even *have* salt water at home?”
Me: “Oh, boy.”
[medieval doctor] bad vibes? got a worm for that
i don’t have a nervous system, i am a nervous system
Sex is like my hair. I didn’t have any yesterday. I didn’t have any today. And unless something drastically changes, I won’t have any tomorrow.
Kids, do not try this at home!
Digital security in Ancient Troy
This why you should mind your business
my mum said that im not allowed to go work tomorrow because of the snow so im gonna call my manager tomorrow and tell him my mum said no