Of all the essential oils WD40 is the essentialist.
Best seat on the street 😍
[game night]
date: do you have siblings?me: *flips table*
date: so you’re the youngest
The world: “That movie is abysmal trash and should never have been made.”
Horror fans: “I own it on VHS, DVD, blu-ray and 4K and watch it twice a year.”
sir, my pâté if you please
With the cost of concert tickets, you better not be asking the crowd to sing, I did not pay to hear a drunk girl sing my favorite song.
I didn’t mean to like your selfie I was just trying to get dried salsa off my phone
A 32-year-old man was arrested in England after allegedly stealing a semi-truck that contained 200,000 Cadbury Creme Eggs, police said.
There are no pants in heaven.
Thanks to a fan for this one.
Starts a choir that moves around in a boat, preaching how we are all going down into an abyss of damnation.
Names the boat Hell Sinky.
me: wow you sure are playing hard to get
after-school appointment at my kid’s dentist: *blushes* oh you