The chicken mask stays on during chicken shopping
I’m not an idiot, I’m an optimist which is kinda the same but like, waaaaay worse.
how tf do u spell matthew mick hon hon hay
✨ check 🧵 for the bonus panels! ✨
Thinking about getting a part-time job on the weekends so I can take my family to Disney World in 2028.
Me, feeling an arrow sliding by my hair to end up on a tree while I hear chubby baby crying : Not today, Cupid
therapist: so, when did your fixation with marbles begin
her: [mouthful of marbles] hard to say
When I first heard about it, I thought pickleball was some weird food at the state fair.
Life is good! Just waiting for my ship to come in!
*Gets on Twitter*
*Looks up as ship is sailing off*
It’s gonna be interesting to see who the aliens enslave and who they let go free. I for one have always thought aliens to be wonderful and superior in every way.
“We all have two lives. The second begins when you realize you only have one.”
~ Tom Hiddleston
All I want for Valentine’s day is a good night out with my boyfriend
My husband says I’ve got to go out with him! Rude
watching the football game but shaking my head the whole time so everybody knows i disagree with it
Didn’t realize I was playing kitchen jenga until I went to get a Tupperware from the middle & an avalanche of Tupperwares came flying at me 🙁
My kid is really into Animorphs, so I think he is going to love whatever The Human Centipede is.