Wonder why we didn鈥檛 get blimp sky view coverage of game.
FBI: oops wrong one
鉂わ笍鉂わ笍鉂わ笍
detective: when did this happen.
edgar allan poe: while i pondered weak and weary over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore.
detective: [writing notes] pretentious dipshit鈥as鈥eading.
To me the most romantic part about having a crush on someone is when instead of just telling them, your anxiety just makes you act increasingly more unhinged in conversation until you both hate you 馃グ馃グ馃グ
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Coffee costs less
Than a dinner for two
Me, 5 minutes into the zombie apocalypse: Fresh brains here, come and get your brains!
馃槒馃槒馃槒
employer: what skills do you possess that would make you suitible for this position?
me: I possess the skill that will make all your other employees look perfect by comparison
happy valentine鈥檚 day to me
I feel like I鈥檇 really make more progress on my goal of being more positive if everyone wasn鈥檛 such a huge piece of shit all the time
mental gymnastics are fine if you can stick the landing
I should have been a cat, bc all I do is sleep and the rest of the time I鈥檓 just weird.
HONEY QUICK COME HERE THERE鈥橲 A COMMERCIAL ABOUT MENOPAUSE