Every great and accomplished chef had to start somewhere.
I asked my husband to put honey on the shopping list and now it’s all sticky
Child just ran by screaming WHERE’S THE PLUNGER GET TOWELS LOTS OF TOWELS so anyway how is your day going?
everybody freaking out about these UFOs as if it wasnt just that the aliens heard rihanna was performing this week
nurse: how do you rate your pain
me: zero stars
nurse:
me: would not recommend
Just when you think you have your shit together, a sock goes missing from the dryer and disappears from the face of the earth.
A charcuterie board is just dry soup
gonna start doing mildly unhinged shit to make people uncomfortable.
heat my food for 73 seconds in the microwave,
sit down in the elevator,
pick up my feet a little too high when i walk
I’m really happy being single
Unfortunately my husband doesn’t agree!
“No pain no gain” I whisper shoving in my 8th donut.
Me: Can you go tell your brother that dinner is ready?
Son: *standing one inch from my ear* DINNER IS READY!
Why yes I could start my day without coffee but I’m too pretty for prison
I asked my kid if his room was clean and that little shit cackled and asked Alexa if it was “Stupid Question Day”
sneaking out of costco with extra samples like
