Just finished reading my first grade students’ attempts at narrative writing. One student wrote about the “dinosaurs who lived a long time ago in 1990.”
Any room can be a room with a view if you are in it.
Putting glasses on a Mr. Potato Head and asking if he’s just gonna be a spec tater his whole life.
I spend a lot of time alone
I don’t think putting that ouija board on a grave will help you catch a better signal
I’m just a guy standing in a Starbucks line, thinking I could’ve milked a cow and grown my own coffee beans faster than this shit.
I wish I could just drop my body off at the gym and pick it up when it’s ready.
I sometimes wonder if anyone I dated said yes because they were hungry
If you are going to microwave your steak in a cast iron skillet, make sure you season the skillet by running it through the dishwasher at least 3 times
“Psst.. here’s what we should’ve said”
*my 3am brain waking me to replay an argument from 7 years ago
In my next life I’m coming back with money and good looks. This great personality shit is not working.
everyone calm down they’re just doing a test run of the rapture
Who are the people getting up and scanning QR codes off the TV??
Starting to consider a run for political office. Not because I want to do anything, but I’m curious what sort of shit they dig up on me. Would be nice for someone to piece together my 20s.
I bought the off-brand toilet cleaner. I don’t think my toilets can taste the difference.