A hop and a tag…you’re it! 😂😜😺
AT MY FUNERAL:
My old school nurse: *throws an ice pack and a cracker into my coffin* That should help.
yoooo let ur cat know i said pspspsps
incredible book dedication
How high do the levels go?
[Job interview]
employer: oh! ou’ve brought a cat with you!
me: I hope that’s ok-
emp: when can he start?
me: WHAT?!
cat: meow
emp: great!
me: *shouts* good luck finding a ride, cat!
* My life flashes before my eyes*
Me, a mom: Why did I only see laundry?!
My kid said that bagels are just sad donuts, so obviously he’s broken and I have to return him.
If you give your kid a roll of tape today then you should expect you’ll need to buy more tape tomorrow
“Don’t you have this book anywhere?”
“Not here, no.”
“Is it in the back?”
“I’m afraid not.”
“Is it in the basement?”
“No.”
“Aren’t you going to go down and check?”
“Well, that would take a while.”
“How long would it take?”
“I mean first we’d have to install a basement.”
For those who are Struggling with English:
Don’t = Do not
Won’t = Wo notFollow me for more advice…
Life begins and ends with diaper rash, so enjoy the time in between.
I’m down 10 lbs since Christmas and all I did was drink more water and stop eating gingerbread houses.
My daughter asked if we can just pretend she’s being well behaved and tbh I think it might be easier for both of us
Back from the dentist, my teeth are now the most expensive things I own.