I shaved my legs today and it was the fastest 3lbs I’ve ever lost in my life
If Mona Lisa was on Instagram
My first wife and I split on good terms. I know this because, when I announce the split on FB, she was the first to click LIKE.
if your boyfriend insists he rolls everywhere because it’s ‘faster than walking’, my friend, you may be dating a gamer.
God..how many exercise videos do you have to buy before you get some results
me: i’m going to buy the box of snack size bags of chips so i don’t eat so many calories
also me: [eats 32 snack size bags of chips in one sitting] well this didn’t work out.
*pronounces ‘comb’ like ‘bomb’ eighteen times during interview at Great Clips.
*pronounces ‘comb’ like ‘bomb’ eighteen times during interview at Great Clips.
According to the amount of bacon I just cooked. I’m 4 people.
me: I wish there were more hours in my day
the sun at 5:30 a. m.: hey
m; eew. no. not you.
Ever read stuff here on social media and then think to yourself, “Why is NASA diverting asteroids? Just let them come.”