For those who are Struggling with English:
Don’t = Do not
Won’t = Wo notFollow me for more advice…
Life begins and ends with diaper rash, so enjoy the time in between.
I’m down 10 lbs since Christmas and all I did was drink more water and stop eating gingerbread houses.
My daughter asked if we can just pretend she’s being well behaved and tbh I think it might be easier for both of us
Back from the dentist, my teeth are now the most expensive things I own.
Customer: “I’d like to buy a bagel with cream cheese.”
Me: “Sorry, we only take cash or credit card.”
Manager:“I need to see you in my office.
Me: Night love.
11: Did you know the snow in the Wizard of Oz was made of pure asbestos?
Wanted:
Someone to chew my food and feed me like a baby bird. No weirdos.
Spelling out ‘A-L-E-X-A’ so your Alexa device doesn’t respond, is the new, spelling out ‘W-A-L-K’ so your dog doesn’t get excited.
I like being married but not every day.
😆😜😆😜
I don’t hold grudges. I pose with them.
Welcome to your 40s. When you’re hungry your stomach sounds like a storm coming in.
“Why you watching this shit?”