How to walk around a museum
Dog’s confession but adopted a full pedigree “failed” Border Collie sheepdog from a farm. Took him to sister-in-law’s place who had a footstool made of real sheep’s wool. Turns out reason he’s a “failed” sheepdog is coz he’s scared of sheep. Apparently even sheep’s wool is scary
i hate when food packaging makes a big deal about “no msg” what if i want msg. did we all forget msg tastes good
cop: where u headed
me: chuck e. cheese. gonna fight the rat
cop: [handing me his gun] good luck
“AI is coming for your jobs” I’d like to see AI send 5 emails a day and check their fantasy football lineups on and off for 8 hours
The only thing stopping cheesecake from being a breakfast food is you.
checking my bank account to see how ethical i want to be with my egg purchase
My brother drank a bourbon and challenged my kids to Mario Kart. My kids are about to learn how annoying it is to lose to my brother when he’s drunk.
Our favorite part of fall is walking through spider webs and screaming every time. What’s yours?
When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of growing up to satisfy user needs in a way that meets business goals for transformative outcomes
Husband: can I have a taste?
Me, mouth full of red velvet cake: it’s really spicy you won’t like it
ill check the nooks. you get the crannies.
I’m sorry, but nothing is topping this 😭
