An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are sitting in a doctor’s waiting room, when a man in an obviously worried state enters and cries out, “I fear I’ve become invisible… Can you see me?”
And they respond; “Yes.” “Oui.” “Sí.” “Ja.”
The biggest lie I learned in school was that women reach their sexual peak at 40. All 40yo me wants is to scroll my phone and eat my bowl of mashed potatoes
If I were a doctor I would become assassinated by the insurance industry after publicly evincing the curative properties of a hot dog and a soda
instead of meal prepping on sundays, have u considered taking an impromptu and cost ineffective trip to the grocery store every single day of the week?
Calories don’t count – no one taught them Math.
I’m the most spontaneous person in the world when it comes to making a decision to stay at home.
If you hit a person with a Tesla
will you be charged for battery?#OneLinersDay #RubbishJokes #DadJokes
Christmas tree still up?
that’s a cat tree now.
Problem solved.
One man’s trash is another man’s why the f*** is your trash in my yard.
What’s the opposite of irony?
Crinkly.
#RubbishJokes #DadJokes
women at the gym use every other treadmill like men do urinals
Thoughts and prayers for this lady who tried to make her purse lighter by throwing out a couple of visiting cards.
Didn’t realize my teen was annoyed with me until she ordered a Coke at lunch even though we’re a Pepsi family.