Reason number 25827644 to pat your toddler down before putting in the car.
MY WIFE DIVORCED ME BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T BELIEVE MY TESLA AUTODRIVES ME TO THE GAY BAR AND THEN TURNS ITSELF OFF, CAUSING ME TO HAVE TO SPEND 4 HOURS IN THERE ASKING FOR A RIDE HOME
people act like Marie Kondo held them at gunpoint and forced them to burn their books when her suggestions are all things like “maybe throwing out all those expired coupons in your drawer might make your life a little easier? if you love your expired coupons though enjoy them!!”
Realtors are legally required to tell you if the house ghosts are too judgy
the $25 stuffed animal gets me every time
One thing I’m really good at is turning $1500 into $4.72
Groot is a tree but he doesn’t have roots. They should just call him G.
im awake if anyone wants to go on a cute forest hike and feed me to a bear
buy a fitted sheet one size bigger than your mattress and start living your life
wanted to know why i’ve been napping so often lately so i consulted webmd….. it’s not looking good, guys 😔
BREAKING: I am a medical miracle
If you or someone you love have gone to work today, you may be entitled compensation.
Taking a break from my mental health so I can focus on Twitter
In what room do you guys hang the portrait of yourself as a centaur? I was thinking kitchen. The bedroom is kinda cliche