i was in target and a little kid came up to me asking if i could watch something for him while he looks for his momma and i said yes, so he handed me a half-eaten chicken nugget
I’d like to live in a small town where they still do festivals, play fun games and raffles, bake pies and other delicious food, and sacrifice to the Gods..
Ok, time to dust off the Christmas decorations. One year I must try taking them down.
Miscakes
Anytime a guy says “that’s what she said” always reply with “yeah, but not to you”.
I made eye contact with my neighbor while taking out the trash and instead of doing something normal, I did a curtsey
Follow me for more life hacks.
People give a detailed description to a police sketch artist after seeing someone for only a few seconds.
Meanwhile I’m 65% sure my wife has green eyes.
Fitness instructor: Let’s suffeeeer!
Me: Can we just, think this through for a second?
Driving class: 10 and 2
Real life: 7 and french fries
her: this is the worst date EVER
me: ugh. i told you not to eat the pit
Only two things are certain: death, and Princess Diana’s face on at least one grocery store magazine
Someone asked me what was my favorite moment of 2021, and without a doubt it was when I searched for my phone in the dark by using the flashlight on my phone.
So sweet. An A380 playing in the snow.
Why is it when I buy something a size up and want it to shrink it stays exactly the same size. But when I buy something that fits perfectly it comes out of the dryer looking like it was made for a small child? I’m pretty sure it’s a conspiracy by Big Textile.