I’ve been a YouTube creator for almost an hour, yet somehow I haven’t been monetized yet?
I love getting socks for Christmas idk what you people are complaining about
boy, pass me my luxury grilled pregnant smelt
My soul is possessed by fried chicken.
So many recipes say they can be made with stuff you definitely have in your kitchen already, but then none of them ever call for expired sour cream or the giant extra thing of red pepper flakes you bought by accident.
No friends? What about those visits to your place from Amazon and FedEx?
If I’m ever snowed-in somewhere hope it’s a place that serves mushroom swiss burgers.
Call any time! *terms and conditions apply
Him: what are you doing with that chocolate cake?
Me: Don’t talk to me or my cake ever again!
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but, don’t drink aquarium water to impress a girl……..
“I’d like to buy this house”
“Will you waive inspection?”
“Sure”
“And waive the assessment?”
“Fine”
“And pay in cash?”
“Ugh, ok”
“And promise you won’t ever live in it?”
“If that gives me the edge”
I wasted too much money on three pairs of purple camouflage pants.
butterfly in the sky, i can go twice as high?? You’re starting your song dissing a key pollinator? For what?
Fall semester: kid leaves for college for the first time, how will I live without you?
Spring Break: HOW DID I EVER LIVE WITH YOU?
Doctor: How your diet?
Me: My what now?