I’d love this before and after shot…lol
Coworker: Are you joining us for the team meeting in the conference room?
Me: Nah, I’ve got too much to do.
Coworker: That’s too bad, the boss brought in some donuts.
Me:
Neighbor: What are you doing?
Me: Jesus Christ, Bob…what does it look like I’m doing?
Neighbor: …urinating on my mailbox
I feel like I’m living in my own horror movie. But it’s like a B movie that will never get much traction.
Revenge of the Fruity Pebbles. Yeah, direct to streaming at best.
Don’t have a house cat drive you to the post office. I know that now.
Rt to bother an English speaker
When your friends are on their phones, but you ran out of things to check
The last 23,000 tweets were sent by my dog and bad decisions.
Turns on air conditioner
air conditioner: I have a boyfriend
In a few hours, after I become a billionaire, I’m changing all the contact names in my phone to peasant.
Chines crypto account who dm’ed me was suspended before I could respond. Can’t help but wonder, did I miss out on a great opportunity?
Me: I’ll take a vodka straight up please.
Starbucks barista: Ma’am, this is Starbucks.
Me: Ok one venti iced vodka.
And y’all thought 2020 was going to be the worst year
I told him to drive me crazy in the bedroom, so he put the window blinds at different heights.