When you’re cruising down the highway of life, and glance over to see bumper to bumper traffic on the other side of the highway, only to find out that you’re actually going in the wrong direction
Diets are like religions. The moment I find out that thing I like isn’t allowed, I’m out.
getting home from the airport opening my bag to find nothing but 99 packs of frozen hotdogs. one missing
put my dad’s hat on a snowman and it immediately left to get cigarettes
Before you criticize my scam how about you give me a chance to lie to you about it
My favourite horror sitcom crossover was I Know What You Did Last Of The Summer Wine
Keep your friends close and a bag of chips closer.
If you can make dinosaurs out of a mosquito in amber and some frogs you can probably also make dinosaurs that don’t want to escape and murder everyone feels like maybe Jurassic Park should have workshopped this more.
Damn it, my wife found the guy who’s been sneaking in at 11pm is the donut delivery guy. Guess I should stop pretending I’m having an affair with him.
You have your whole life ahead of you. They threatened
From the speed at which it’s spread I’m wondering if wordle is a symptom of omicron.
Do you want to taunt a snowman?
A new survey shows that most Canadians aren’t looking to return to the office full-time. Just a thought, have you guys tried putting a bed in there?
I was getting my haircut during a trip to Vancouver when a fellow customer overheard me say where I lived.
“While visiting Japan recently, I recently met a guy from your town.”
I jokingly asked if it happened to be my friend, as he had also recently been to Japan.
It was.
My wife’s driver license should say “Brain Donor” because she gives me a piece of her mind daily.