Can people I follow stop disagreeing with each other? I depend on you lot to tell me what to think.
No Barbara I didn’t intend to “ruin” your day by using the last of the printer ink but I will admit that it was a pleasant byproduct
Sometimes I look at my toast and wonder if Jesus is manifesting, or my toaster is channeling Charles Manson.
*shaking head* I can’t tell which news stories are real or are April Fool’s Day pranks. I mean, you could say “Aliens have landed & have demanded to talk to the whales” & I’d just think “So 2022.”
me to my student: go get your mom
my student, not moving: MMMMMAAAAAMMMMAAAAAAA!!!
if i could teach my cat to go downstairs and accept my doordash delivery i would never marry
“Why don’t we have sexy time anymore?”
“Because you call it sexy time.”
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
That bear was just minding its own business. You brought that granola bar into the situation. Should have brought enough to share.
When guys hold up their legs while riding a motorcycle. Like oh r u having soooo much fun. Are you saying weeeeeee
Let’s play a game. You go hide. And I’ll go take a nap.
Vacations in your single 20s: backpacking Europe, hiking a Hawaiian volcano, relaxing poolside in St Croix with a book & a cocktail
Vacations in your 40s with kids: WHY IS SAND ON EVERYTHING, STOP FIGHTING, NO DESSERT FOR YOU, WE’RE ALL GOING TO BED EARLY
Why am I getting ads for things that cost $495? I have never bought anything ever that costs $495
My son told me I’m not fat I’m just almost fat and that honestly made me feel really good
No, these are my formal Crocs. We’re at a wedding, Sharon.