People who think getting friendzoned is bad have clearly never been Autozoned.
My last turkey joke was deleted due to fowl language.
#Thanksgiving #RubbishJokes #ThursdayMorning
sensitive skin
I’ve got a bee in my bonnet, ants in my pants, and a meeting with an exterminator at noon tomorrow
I was an aspiring ninja until the ankle cracks made it impossible.
Damn, this hole is wet
*I say right after stepping into a puddle
My wife took our kids to the aquarium the other day and then our 5yo asked me if one weekend I could “take us to outer space”
I don’t need TV dramas, I just need Amazon product reviews
[someone says a word I’ve never heard before]
Me: *nods in agreement*
This is why you don’t eat at everybody house
Ok but actually
Oh, I’ll take your precious “bribe” but you should be ashamed of yourself. Also, thanks.
In a dispute with my neighbour, I dumped a wash basin on his front lawn. If he thinks I’m apologising, he’s got another sink coming.
My daughter now associates height with age and refuses to believe I could be older than someone that’s 5’5”