i can never allow myself to acknowledge tripping in public i always gotta add another couple leaps like i’m an Olympic triple jumper
She’s a 10, but you can’t date numerical values and anthropomorphising digits doesn’t lead to a stable relationship.
I love the idea of a fruitarian, just morally affronted that anyone could eat a baby spinach.
“The world is finally getting back to normal”
Omicron:
Flipping TV channels and seeing The Good Doctor and The Good Wife. I wonder…who’s been Bad?
I hated spiders even before my girlfriend left me for one.
Hello My Friends…
Travel this week will keep me busy. So, No I’m not ignoring you while I dance with cats. Patience please.
[Town Meeting]
Criminal Profiler: Everything we know about the killer suggests that it’s a male, unable to resist even the smallest of provocations, and that he does a pretty mediocre impression of Frasier
Me: [Stood at the back] Mediocre? How dare you! I AM WOUNDED!
Seekh Kebab
Not attention
Me: *picks up regular store brand item instead of economy store brand item*
My family: what’s the occasion?
In case you’re having a bad day…there’s this.
Personal trainer: And how much weight are you looking to lose?
Me: *googling weight limit for bouncy castles* Hold on…
I grew up before google, and as a kid I didn’t know bread was slang for money. Spent my childhood wondering why they put bread in Billy Joel’s jar.
Humming & dancing while I plop my meds into my weekly pill counter like the happy little nutcase I am
This morning in my local coffee shop.
Customer: “A large mug with four shots of espresso and the rest filled with milk, please.”
Barista: “Are you sure? That’s a latte coffee!”
#EspressoDay #WednesdayThought #RubbishJokes