The heels stay on during sex because I only painted the toe nails that were showing.
My 4yr old has started prefaceing questions with, “but don’t say no” and he’s got a lot to learn about disappointment
Returned my 3D printer, but not before making a 3D printer with it.
Not right now, protecting the 50 lb pit bull from the scary washing machine.
My dog just tracked and successfully located a folium lanceolatum, more commonly known as a leaf.
Own two different pasta machines.
still make cup noodles with the Keurig.
*Googles: How to fake your own death and erase existence before 9am monday morning.
Overheard in hair salon: “I have LITERALLY no shorts. Like I seriously have only 4 or 5 pairs of shorts.”
This is why I can’t stand people.
Sauron: I made everyone cheese bagel bites
Middle Earth: Yay
Sauron: [makes his own bagel bite, but this time, with all the toppings]
I think my wife got us a babysitter because she didn’t think I’d sit on the baby correctly
This raises questions
My neighbor won a hay show. Hay like in grass that livestock eats. There’s a show for it
Okay kid, here’s the context. Each of your toes is a pig. I’m going to grab them, one by one, and tell you what each one did. I know, it’s weird, just roll with it.
2: ok
Do you prefer to travel by gravy train or gravy boat