playing my favorite songs that no ones enjoying but me
May your day taste like creamy soup.
Donât be fooled, sheeple. That Blood Moon thing tomorrow night? Just a ploy by Big Nature to get us to look up from our phones.
Big brouhaha at the farmerâs market today when the fishstand guy set up next to the candle lady and no one could smell her candles and her boyfriend the homemade soap guy tried to intervene but ended up buying a fresh cut salmon.
đ€đđ
(dumping an old couch in the ocean) i am creating an artificial reef, to act as a fish habitat
Has anyone actually asked kids why theyâre so annoying? Maybe they donât know?
Leaving the beach yesterday I said to myself âdonât leave your phone on the roof of the car, womanâ.
Long story short, someone found my phone on the side of the road and just returned it to me
1 star recipe reviews are always like “I replaced the sugar with flax seed and butter with spinach and these pancakes came out dry and gross. Do not recommend”
If you ever feel dumb, take comfort in knowing I was listening to music on my airpods while vacuuming and did 3 rooms before I realized the vacuum wasn’t even on.
If I had to be a dominatrix (not appealing to me) Iâd just be like, âGo stand in the corner. Do it!!â then play on my phone for the rest of the session.
Level of high: 7/10
me in high school: oh my god I missed two hairs on my legs, I am an abomination
me today: the bug spray has lemongrass and peppermint in it so it doubles as perfume
wait whoa when did the bermuda triangle stop eating boats
He’s a 10, but that’s in Fahrenheit so he’s frozen.
They should have a surrealist SAT, with questions like:
A train departs the South Pole at sunflower AM while a submarine swallows a cormorant’s wings. Where will they meet?