Someone gave my boyfriend a book about men getting the upper hand in relationships and I told him to let me read it since he knows how much I love fiction
my son thinks trying to crawl around me to play with electrical sockets is hilarious. almost as funny as yeeting himself off the side of the bed
I really do like you, but I only share my alcohol with people I really like.
Me muttering when my husband takes a sip of my drink.
just went to my first ever LA kids birthday party and two of them were named Monserrat and Wolf
Someone in one of the screen rooms at my theatre was eating pepperoni and I can’t tell if I’m repulsed by the smell or impressed by the audacity.
I bought a whole set of Ninja cookware and now I can’t find them.
Them: your dog is so cute, does she shed?
Me: only twice a year
Them: and how long does it last?
Me: 6 months
when someone’s guiding me into a parking spot:
![]()
Almost quitting time…Cheers!🥂
![]()
Laundry needs to be put away.
I look at the basket.
The basket looks at me.
Old western shoot our music looms in the background.
a detective agency’s office is filled with cluebicles
[getting murdered]
“Listen, I make a badass grilled cheese if this can wait?”
Always 🥴
![]()
I realized if I whisper at Alexa, she whispers back
I wish it worked on everyone
Broom by every window for quick escape.
![]()