I’ve updated my will…
“Being of sound mind, I spent it all.”
If you’re having second thoughts….
you’re ahead of most people.
The conversation w customer service has essentially been
“Hey yall said i violated the terms of service but i genuinely dont know what i did”
“You violated the terms of service :)”
“Aight but whatd i do”
“You violated the terms of service :)”
“Elaborate tho??”
*crickets*
Pigeon open mic night.
#Caturday
Small blessings, like when the mirror fogs up and you can’t see yourself when you get out of the shower, naked.
My alarm went off and I pressed the Sneeze button instead of the Snooze button. Gonna be a long nine minutes
Girl, if you’re into rocks, I promise you’ll be
[walking into a gym]
me: i’m looking to do the least that burns the most calories
Act normal. Act normal. Act normal. ActnormalactnormalactnormalACTNORMALDAMNITactnormal
Going to the dentist for a teeth cleaning. Should I put them in a fancy box or will a Ziploc baggie be ok? Also, not all of them are human teeth, some I happened upon randomly. Can I still get those cleaned? Sorry, don’t mean to be weird, I’m just excited for my first time!!
When you’ve aged 15 years since 2020 and they still tell you that you’re cute
Galentine’s Day? Friendsgiving? Cinco de Drinko? Friyay?
Take me now, covid.
Everyone’s a gangster until you have to chase a plastic bag that the wind took.
Gently puts my “faith in humanity” in a bag of rice.