The pen is writier than the sword.
You ever released wind at the bank and accidentally deposited loose change?
It’s crazy how you can be shopping in a hardware store and need help but can’t find a single employee to help you, then there are times when you don’t need help and five employees will pop up out of no where asking if you need help.
Every. Single. Time.
ME (a man who was paid to write 3 reviews 20 years ago): Well, you know, speaking as a writer…
Person: so, how are we today?
Me: well, I dunno about you, but I’m fine, thanks
Oura Ring: “Time to stretch your legs a bit?”
I’M IN BACK TO BACK ZOOM MEETINGS LEAVE ME ALONE HEALTH DEVICE!
the reason wordle only does one word per day is so you can spend the rest of your day talking about wordle
Obi-Wan: it’s over, Anakin. i have learned how to stave off a mountain lion attack
Anakin: you underestimate my power
Obi-Wan; *raises arms above his head in order to appear larger, begins to scream*
Has anyone tried cutting the pandemic with a knife to make sure it isn’t actually an illusion cake?
me: can I get a hug?
bartender: *checking cocktail list*
If Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson returned to wrestling to fight Sammy ‘The Scissors’ Nelson would it appear on paper view?
If you’re ever chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, over a little seesaw and through a hoop of fire.
They’re trained for that.
All spots are cat’s spot. This was clearly established in the Supreme Court case of Fits v. Sits.
I don’t know what to do
is it earth
