Who gets custody of us when Twitter dies?
If your wife uses “I” it means she will be doing something. “We” means you will be.
three old people next to me at this coffee shop hanging out and catching up. one of them says “your daughter is doing well? has her ducks all in a row?” and the other says “welllll there’s a few geese in there” and all three of them laughed until they cried. gasping for air.
Say what you will about Elon’s management style, but before he took over all you guys posted was “ugh another day on this hell site” and now you’re all like “ah twitter the extraordinary place where I met all my best friends, started my career, had sex for the first time”
I met the Backstreet Boys on Warzone 2 😂
if twitter really is dying, my confession is that i never noticed the comma in that one pride and prejudice quote, so up until recently i always read it as “you have bewitched me body and me soul” in a leprachaun voice and i never understood how people found that romantic
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When you did see a few red flags but you’re sure you can change him
Harsh but true birthday card from my parents
My wife thinks she caught me with a lip of tobacco but it was bacon and now I have a choose your fight adventure on my hands
going into to sephora and putting some lipstick on my collar to make my gf jealous
microdosing bungee jumping by bending over to pick up a hair tie
Took my son to his friend’s birthday party yesterday. It was great until we arrived and I realised the party is next weekend.
What song lyric resonates with you the most? Mine is “we’re tiny, we’re toony, we’re all a little loony”