*putting all my eggs in one basket and singing about it” carry yolky
Lost about 3 pounds in the last 10 mins
(shaved my back and shoulders)
Don’t mistake my habit to look down, as modesty.I have a long history of tripping on the most ridiculous things
Every work call, he judges.
guy: [drinking a coke]
me, hungover from a 3-day drug and alcohol-fueked bender: can’t believe he’s putting that garbage in his body
The problem with baking cinnamon rolls is that you will eat them all in one go
Neo is 57-years-old he’s definitely taking the blue pills.
The problem with honey is that I could be in a hazmat suit watching a show about someone in Australia just looking at a jar of it and it would still wind up all over me.
You can’t satisfy me in bed,
you’re not 7 pillows.
Last time I went trick or treating, a high school bully stole my candy. Later I heard he spent 10yrs in prison which is totally unbelievable because I didn’t press charges.
What is going on here?
Is Rudolph using a magnifying glass to turn his nose into a raygun?
And who is the reindeer brandishing the cane?
Love this one 😂🧟
True
i asked my dad to send me a photo of his passport and he sent me a photo of the front of his closed passport
Twitter,
I told my 10 year old it was too late for chocolate and I’d get us a yoghurt. We sat and ate them. I then went upstairs and ate the kit kat I’d snuck in my sling.