The idea of a fight club with rules is ridiculous. My fight club can’t even keep track of the snack chart.
Britain be like
Why are they called bangs and not a hangover?
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Okay, good. We’ve made Oreos with more Stuff, but now we need to make each Oreo bigger. I want an Oreo that’s a two-hander
My son made us all hide then jump out and yell ‘surprise!’ for his birthday. If you guys aren’t planning the same for my birthday on Tuesday, it’s gonna sting
checking out some reviews of my local library
no one’s wearing a mask anymore not even bank robbers
Andrew Garfield implies the existence of Andrew Nermal and Andrew Odie
Autocorrect can suck a bag of docks
I have an admission that will shock some people. It’s not something I’m proud of and I hope I’ll be given a little grace, but I’ll understand if not.
Here goes….
My hips have lied. Like…a lot.
The existence of an earthworm and a heartworm implies there must be a fire, wind, and waterworm
I haven’t gotten my blood pressure checked in probably like 3 years, but I wear sunscreen every day because healthy living is about balance.
It’s interesting to me that car drivers are the first to admit that other drivers are idiots, yet anytime you try to suggest policy that will take cars off the road, they’re the most resistant
7-year-old: *dumps her toy dinosaurs all over the floor*
Me: You can’t just leave your dinosaurs everywhere.
7-year-old: It was their planet first.