who can I pay to hit me in the head with a baseball bat so I go into a coma for exactly 2 weeks and one day
Joseph Smith, 1833
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Math at Halloween.
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My husband can remember the college a football player went to, what year he was drafted, the number he was picked in the draft, and his height, but can’t remember a certain neighbor’s name no matter how many times I tell him it.
Welcome to parenting — the only hobbies you have left are the ones you can do in the bathroom.
Cameraman here. If I’m in the newsroom during a live news broadcast I ring my mates and they get their kids to watch, as I tell them to look at the newsreader’s shoulder, at which point I stand up and magically appear in the background. The kids love it.
Hockey would be better if the players had to write a short essay about what they did wrong before they could leave the penalty box.
pain
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Health and fitness is really important to me
Dips the French fry in the mashed potatoes
*my cat, who has 3 different beds and a cat tree* I must sleep on the clothes you have laid out for the day
Every time I tell my lab puppy to “drop it!” I hope it’s going to be a rock or a Hot Wheels car or a piece of mulch and not a whole live frog like it was last week
Whether you’re a fan of Hallowe’en or not, you have to give it credit for being the last line of defence against Christmas advancing even earlier into the year, a ragtag gang of goths holding the line against a battalion of baubled barbarians
Already got one
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