I might consider rejoining the Catholic church if the Pope knew karate. Otherwise forget it.
start pet casino? explore legality
shit this isn鈥檛 my notes app
I cleaned the door glass and one of the dogs is barking at his reflection. That tells you how filthy the windows were.
Me: Why won’t my friends talk to me anymore
Also me: I’m hummuspilled. I’m going chickpea mode. I’m in my garbanzo era.
They should make a sitcom where Gordon Ramsay works in a prison as a culinary instructor to prisoners with anger issues.
Nobody:
Absolutely no one:
Me: Oooh, I’m parked between two other Subarus! I’m the middle of a Subaru sandwich!! 馃グ馃グ馃グ
Knock Knock
Skeletons are a weird costume cuz you already got one of those in your body you’re pretty much a bone oreo with skin frosting dude
Rethinking this whole Mastodon thing
When you die, you can now have your remains scattered by drone across the UK. It helps if you’re cremated, but it’s not as funny
Just watched a video in which a young lady referred to some shoes from the 90s as “vintage” so you can go ahead and shovel the dirt over me now
If it鈥檚 in a bowl and it鈥檚 before lunch time then technically it鈥檚 cereal.
-5 asking for chips for breakfast
Wordle is trying to tell me something
猬溾瑴馃煩猬溾瑴
猬溾瑴馃煩猬溾瑴
猬溾瑴馃煩猬溾瑴
猬溾瑴馃煩猬溾瑴
猬溾瑴馃煩猬溾瑴
馃煩馃煩馃煩馃煩馃煩
[first day as a detective]
me: you say the suspect鈥攕he鈥檚 got legs?
zz top: yes sir
me: and she knows how to use them?
zz top: that鈥檚 right
me: *into walkie talkie* bring chun-li in for questioning
Scar: Now that I鈥檓 king, we have new rules. First, if you get sick, don鈥檛 take medicine. Just die and let the hyenas eat you. Secondly, no more elections. I鈥檒l let you know if I鈥檓 still king. And lastly, if anyone accuses me of something, they should be thrown into a stampede.