Me: I’ve got a preposition for you…
English teacher: I’m listening
Been watching a lot of Netflix documentaries & I think a really good way for me to make a lot of money is to find a rich woman & tell her I’m a vampire or some other crazy shit & she’ll just give me loads of cash.
[first day at seminary]
PRIEST: today we’ll be discussing judeo christian practices
ME: when do we learn kicks and takedowns
PRIEST: *rubs bridge of nose*
Son: Mom, I’m having a problem at school.
Me: Oh no, buddy, what’s wrong? Do you need me to show you the Karate Kid again?Parenting is easy.
Don’t talk to me unless you are a ham sandwich.
Being in my mid 30s is just constantly worrying that today is the day I get REALLY into model train sets
Everyone’s AVI – Sorry. This is the absolute best I can look. I’m actually suspended upside down in this shot and I rented a wind machine.
people who do mutinies should be called mutants
i don’t really hate you but if you were falling off a cliff
i would be waving good bye
Strange
Walking up the lighthouse stairs can be a very towerful experience.
Come back after dark. Bring your friends
the metric system will never catch on here because too many Americans are into feet
7-year-old: I jumped in a puddle and almost drowned!
Me: You’re exaggerating.
7: It was in that puddle you always complain about.
Okay, it might have been deep enough.
Kid packed for a 3 day trip to his grandparents with 1 t-shirt, 1 pair of underwear, and 7 pairs of socks. I have a few questions