Walking up the lighthouse stairs can be a very towerful experience.
Come back after dark. Bring your friends
the metric system will never catch on here because too many Americans are into feet
7-year-old: I jumped in a puddle and almost drowned!
Me: You’re exaggerating.
7: It was in that puddle you always complain about.
Okay, it might have been deep enough.
Kid packed for a 3 day trip to his grandparents with 1 t-shirt, 1 pair of underwear, and 7 pairs of socks. I have a few questions
My husband just asked this southern 8 ball if I loved him. It said “bless your heart” 😆
Car Salesman: If you buy this car, you’ll save $2000.
Me: I’ll save $20000 by not buying it.
The best time of day for a prostate examination is 6:30 because both hands are at the bottom.
Screw an edit button I want people to know immediately when I block them
So 4:38 pm is a good time to realize your shorts have been unzipped all day.
deeply unfair of people to assume I have my life together just because I’m boring
Have you ever had your kid get out of bed to knock on your door so many times that you found yourself shouting “WE’RE CLOSED! PLEASE COME BACK DURING REGULAR BUSINESS HOURS!”???
At the first signs of a sore throat you should be given the option of just skipping 4 days into the future
I wish Play-Doh tasted as good as it smells.
I wish I would remember that it doesn’t.
*i walk over to a coworker who is singing along with a song on the radio, gently put my hand on their shoulder & whisper*
no