My husband got me a really sweet card for our anniversary. I read the whole way through, and the very last part says “happy birthday” 😂
He was so close.
Every time I walk in on my brother watching a Star War, there’s 10 characters I don’t recognize and I just walk away
a Pride of Lions. A Murder of Crows. a Fame of Pete Davidson Exes
I’m awake.
Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.
If she steals your hoodie she likes you, if she steals your car she’s a thief
ME: it’s like we never see eye to eye
MY VESTIGIAL TWIN: lol that would be super weird
Had a nightmare I’d gone blond and woke up with yellow hair. Turns out if you dye in your dreams…
i am:
⚪️ a man
⚪️ a woman
🔘 living in the year 2021looking for:
⚪️ men
⚪️ women
🔘 a way out
Hot sauce has plenty of vitamin C! *slaps orange out of hand
Reverse interview. Here is my answer: “No”
Now, ask me the question
hey people who dress up and look amazing on thanksgiving how do you do that and why don’t you own pie-eatin sweatpants
The cashier just checked me out.
Not today, today.
Not today.
me as a new nurse trying to help out in a code
If you get the Wordle in 5 while a toddler is screaming at you it counts as getting the Wordle in 1.