Still the weirdest shit to me how the mario movie did the “aw I just want my dad to support me and my dream” plot but instead of like being a musician, Mario wants to be a plumber. Which is a pretty grounded reasonable thing to want to do.
No, I wish my water bottle had MORE parts to disassemble and wash. Seven is not enough!
Me: This escape room sucks
My boss: This is a budget meeting…
Beyonce, shame on you. Beytwice, shame on me.
Guy trying to flirt with me: I just can’t understand how someone like you doesn’t have a boyfriend.
Me: Here, does this help?
*turns and walks away*
Camping in the mountains is fun. You just have to have a good sleeping bag, a tent that will hold the contents of a small kitchen, good hiking boots, and potable food/water. Oh, and be faster than whoever you’re hiking with in the event of a bear sighting.
You look like you can go as yourself for Halloween.
The optimist sees the carrot.
The pessimist sees the stick.
I see the ranch dip.
Hey girl are you my taxes cause I just wanna spend all day and night trying to figure you out.
If you’re wondering what a mom brain is I just looked for the milk in the microwave.
Because it is Friday I will allow one beautiful woman to purchase me a glass of milk
Child Me: Dad, can I (do a truly stupid thing)
My Dad: No!
Child Me: Whatever, Dad! I hope I’m not that lame when I grow up
Years Later
My Kid: Dad, can I (do the exact same stupid thing)
My Brain: prepare to become “that lame”
this got me crying😭😭
Sigh, Another delivery driver ignored the instructions and walked straight into one of my boobytraps again
