I CANNOT WAIT for this streaming service.
texting with my sister in law fighting for my life to keep up with her exclamation points
Anytime I am searching the stock room at work and a coworker asks “Looking for something?” I jump out of my skin, and its not from them sneaking up on me, it’s b/c that’s what villains says when they have something you need, or they’ve caught you trying to escape their evil lair
I cannot call her anything else now
My doctor says rubbing coffee grounds on your naked body helps prevent cellulite.
Apparently, you can’t do it in Starbucks.
And now the cops are here…..
I cried at a wedding once. The reception was a cash bar.
My lady husky is mad I won’t feed her early so she just maintained eye contact with me and started chewing the corner of the brand new dining table.
Accidentally used my cat’s shampoo, and now i run around the house uncontrollably at night.
Nobody talks about Dumbo anymore…
He’s irrelephant
I hate when companies are too cheap to hire models & just advertise clothes lying there with nobody in them. Because 9 times out of 10 I click on an outfit I would wear & it’s for toddlers. One time it was a hoodie for a dog?
A video clip of me, supposedly from 1941, wearing pigtails and standing on the moon has been misrepresented and proven to be a hoax, fact checkers say.
lol sometimes I-
[a mum] “yeah well TRY HAVING KIDS”
If everyone who told me that I should be successful gave me $2, then I would be.
I hope I don’t ever have to provide an alibi because I’ll tell the truth but it will sound unbelievable, like: “At 4pm on Thursday? Oh that’s when I was posting a photo of an armadillo.”
you’d think eating your young was more filling.