jokingly asked my coworker why the flag outside our building was at half mast today and he completely seriously said “for James Earl Jones i think?”
I don’t remember if I took my pills, but I can’t check because I can’t remember where I put my glasses.
I used the label maker
“Okay Benjamin, now I need you to go outside, point your nose up at the sky, and slowly start turning around. I’ll yell when I get a good signal.”
When he said they’re giving migrants sex changes I nearly spit out my dog
I’d always wondered what happen to those guys!
So in Ohio if they say ‘it’s raining cats and dogs’ does that mean they’re having an all-you-can-eat buffet?
Telling my son he can’t stay home from school for no reason even though when I was his age I’d blow dry my forehead and tell my mom I had a fever.
In retrospect the What Would Dave Grohl Do wristbands might not be the can’t miss million dollar idea that I thought they would be
you guys HAVE to try the golden retriever in springfield. it is soooo good
[Biker gang initiation]
Hey fellas, do I use baseball or hockey cards in my spokes
I want a president who promises no jobs. I don’t want to have a job
Covert ops
