I need to get organized and plan ahead
*starts thawing the thanksgiving turkey
I don’t have 2.5lb weights at home so I have to use two bottles of wine for my physio exercises.
Oh no Facebook user numbers are down for the first time ever. At this difficult time our thoughts are obviously with Mark Zuckerberg. Those thoughts are:
1. Ha
2. Ha
3. Ha
Mashed potatoes with the skin still on them was invented by a tired person who was peeling potatoes and eventually said screw it.
*adds alone time to my Amazon wishlist*
I was shopping the Netherlands Amazon site and the shopping cart is called the “winklewagen” and now I can’t stop thinking about that.
Martha Stewart: Good wrapping should only require three pieces of tape
Pivo: Bad wrapping can also only use three pieces of tape
shoutout to sookie stackhouse. she resisted eric northman for 3 seasons whereas i would have had my neck exposed, ready to be sucked like a capri sun as soon as he looked my way
“It’s just me, my board, and my iron, catching some sweet sweet wrinkles.”
hot peppers: if you chop me up i’ll cover your hands with pain oil.
me: no problem i’ll just wash them.
hot peppers: [chuckling] oh yeah good luck with that.
I used to care passionately about so many things. Now, there is only cheese and cookies.
Me: *trying to take a shower*
My brain: SPICE DWARVES
Me: No
Brain: Sleepy, Happy, Scary, Ginger, Sneezy, Baby and Posh
Me: Why
Brain: 🎶if you wanna be my lover, you gotta do all my chores
Me: Nobody cares about the Spice Girls anymore, what is wrong with you
Brain: 🎶Hi HOOOOOO
me after creating anything: i want the whole world to see this
brain: even people who know you?
me: oh god no
Me: I just need you to tell me when my clothes are dry.
Dryer: Please, no talking until intermission.
Welcoming 2023 with the same energy.
