It may snow in Atlanta so I just bought 47 loaves of bread and now I’m headed out to the interstate so I can get stranded in a good spot.
Me: during all the holiday stress, try to remember that it’s been a hard year for everyone and cut each other some slack
Me, 30 min later, when the car in front of me stops at a yellow light that we both easily could have made: I was wrong, Christmas is a season of rage
Please do it!
[first day as a peterinarian]
Customer: I think there’s a misprint on that sign
Me (petting dog): No.
*chugging beers at 11am*
Waitress: looks like somebody is having a fun St Patrick’s Day!
Me: That’s today?
It’s hard to explain to people who love Facebook that I am not on Facebook because of the people who love Facebook.
no one should have to work on Sundays till you pull up to the Taco Bell and it’s dark inside
If our bodies are the result of “intelligent design,” explain sneezes.
I’ll wait.
Hilarious that in this day and age there are people who expect you to be presentable at any given time. Like, no, bro, I need at least a half hour lead time to turn this mess around.
It’s so ridiculous how I watch 1 documentary & falsely feel like an expert. I just know if someone yelled “OH NO! Can anyone interpret these ancient Mayan hieroglyphs?!” my brain would react like “It’s okay, everyone! Stand back! I saw a documentary once! I’ve got this!”
I hope my company doesn’t😂😂
Just heard we’re under a “heat advisory.”
Brought to you by the same people who advise us not to drive during an ice storm or hold fireworks when they explode.
That scene where Scar kills Mufasa only it’s me to the crumbs on my shirt
guilty
