I spend a lot of time trying to prevent the people who know something weird about me from ever meeting and exchanging information.
It’s Thursday the 12th so I put on a hockey mask and sent some passive aggressive emails
Ghosts are always depicted in Victorian garb which is a pretty singular view of death bc people are dying all the time, like how about a ghost from the 2000s like “being dead is NOT awesomesauce, hey what season of Firefly are they on now?”
This is one for those who have seen certain US TV commercials. 😂
Boy meets girl. Girl meets dragon. It’s complicated.
Just know that if I go up to the hand sanitizer machine and it doesn’t dispense anything, I’m still running my hands together. 🙏🏼
i’m gonna make some couscous with garlic and olive oil. that’s right. couscous. the food so nice they named it twice
it was the best of times, it was the cursed of times
Not a creature was stirring, not even a… oops never mind, the Aussies are up.
These guys came to me one by one, and now we solve mysteries on the south side of Huddersfield.
fast food drive thru cashier: were you the one with…… …. … lots of stuff?
me: yeah that’s me
A chimney is the eyes into the Jesus.
When one chimney closes, God shuts another door.
The eyes of the door is where the Jesus is.
And then the fortune cookie company fired me
You can’t take a purebred dog to the park the ducks will eat them
Sir newton: I like them ticcc AF
Students: but sir we can’t write that
Newton: ok then write this “the grater the mass the greater the force of attraction”
Date: you don’t look anything like your profile photo
Me: *now crying*
Date: there you are