My kid—who potentially had an allergic reaction to shrimp last week—just got extremely worried that he couldn’t eat a favorite food anymore, and I got to be the one to share the good news that whipped cream does not normally contain shellfish.
I spend so much time and resources making stand up clips and then my gf was like do this TikTok trend and now it has more views than my last 14 videos combined
yikes
8 pm to 10 pm on a weeknight is the shortest that two hours can possibly be
Justin Trudeau will appear on Late Night with Stephen Colbert. They’re getting together to reminisce about how people used to like them
Nothing infuriates me more than when I’m on my phone and something wants me to scan a QR code. With what Jan? With. What.
have yall ever had vietnamese coffee like ofc they won that war
My husband suggested that we go to the pub separately to relive our first date.
So he walked over to me at the bar and asked “Hi gorgeous, can I buy you a drink?”
I replied “Get lost, I’m not falling for that again”.
When you start taking vitamins to improve your memory but keep
forgetting if you took them today or not!
For my second date with my husband we met in NYC and went to a party and ended up at a McDonald’s at 3:00 AM where he reached across the table, grabbed my hands, looked at me adoringly, and said “I hate this. I wanted to go to bed at 9:00. Do not expect this of me again.”
My newest way to win marital arguments is to interrupt and say “as your legal counsel” and then state my point. It hasn’t worked yet and seems to make him madder but I think with the right amount of persistence I’ll crack the code.
Tried biscuits in gravy. Not sure why Americans rave about it.
!!!!!!!!!!!
don’t let anyone tell you, you can’t do something. show them you can’t.
