I think about this cartoon a lot.
Daughter: Want a cake for your birthday.
Me: No, cakes are expensive.
Daughter: It’s not the cake, it’s all those candles!
5 days of cooking sausages lol I love this story
I was holding a yard sale. Someone held up a cookbook and asked “Is this vegan?”
I said they don’t make book binding glue from horses anymore, so she can eat any of the books on the table.
I lost the sale, but the confused look on her face was worth way more than 75 cents.
Everyone is entitled to a couple conspiracy theories, but is safe to say Elvis is probably dead by now?
If it hurts you more than it hurts them then you are holding the taser wrong
Still the weirdest shit to me how the mario movie did the “aw I just want my dad to support me and my dream” plot but instead of like being a musician, Mario wants to be a plumber. Which is a pretty grounded reasonable thing to want to do.
No, I wish my water bottle had MORE parts to disassemble and wash. Seven is not enough!
Me: This escape room sucks
My boss: This is a budget meeting…
Beyonce, shame on you. Beytwice, shame on me.
Guy trying to flirt with me: I just can’t understand how someone like you doesn’t have a boyfriend.
Me: Here, does this help?
*turns and walks away*