A relationship so stable you can buy concert tickets 4 months in advance >>
We’d been planning on using the $1.3 million from Jeopardy to buy a house, but now I’m thinking maybe I’ll just hold on to it for a year or two and then use it to buy Twitter
One of the dumbest things I ever heard was a friend of mine asking for advice about his wife being pissed at him for a week straight. She’d been trying to spice up their love life and asked him what he liked that she didn’t know about and he said Asian girls lmfao
This is the only cartoon analysis critic I will watch
If a dude can be CEO of three companies at the same time that just says to me CEO isn’t a very demanding or important job.
What unbearably horny inventor came up with the lickable envelope
“Oh this? This everyday, functional object? You have to caress its entire length sensuously with your tongue to activate it. I am a very normal person.”
Real jealous of all the bears getting fat and preparing to sleep for months
My horny ass could NOT have a banana cleaner 😭
A baby bear catches snowflakes.
cant wait for y’all to be released from the shackles of birthday dinners
the hottest people have the worst stomach problems
mm/dd/yyyy is a cursed date format
my bf just said “you’re one of the most beautiful women ive ever laid eyes on” ummmmmm… im sorry… ONE OF!!??!?
November is the Sunday of months. no I will not explain